summer time

this summer has been going pretty dang good. the past week or so was fun fest. this was hands down the best fun fest ive ever been to. the concerts were great and getting to spend it with joshua was awesome. we went treasure questing at 630 in the morning. watched the balloons shoot off on saturday morning. i can't believe that in less than a month i will be moved out and living with bekah ( across the hall from abby & whitney, might i add. ) i'll finally be able to leave and go visit joshua whenever i want. i can go grab a bite to eat without someone yelling at me to save my money. i can study without having people yelling and screaming. blah. hopefully life will be good.

lately i've been feeling really sad about my nana. and just everything lately makes me cry and be sad. i have a doctor's appointment for a few weeks from now for a phsyical. i think i'll talk to my doctor about some anti-depresants or something because i hate being sad all the time. even when i'm happy, i still can't get the thought of my nana not being here anymore out of my head. it just makes me so sad that she never got to see me graduate or see me on prom night or see me turn 18 and go off to college. it's just not fair. there's been thousands of people who have had lung cancer and survived and became happy and healthy afterwards. my nana was one of the best people i've ever met in my life. she always had a smile on her face. she always gave anyone anything they wanted when they came over to her house. i had so many fun times with her. i just can believe she's gone. it still doesnt feel real to me. everytime i go to visit my papaw at his house, i always sit there and expect to see her walk through the kitchen door any moment.

i hate going over there just for the fact that i know i'll never get to see her again. sometimes i go to the cemetary without anyone knowing and just sit beside her grave and cry because i miss her so bad. i would give anything to bring her back. anything...